Many couples we coach will say that they want to get rid of conflict in their relationship, but conflict is actually a great awareness tool that helps us look deeper within to see what's really going on.
Many couples we coach will say that they want to get rid of conflict in their relationship, but conflict is actually a great awareness tool that helps us look deeper within to see what's really going on.
This episode we'll be discussing Karpman's Triangle, also known as "the Dreaded Drama Triangle" as a framing for how we approach drama and conflict in our relationships. When David Karpman and his team were researching transaction analysis and trying to determine what goes on in relationships when there is a conflict or a difference of opinion, they discovered that we often position ourselves in one of three roles: the victim, the persecutor, or the rescuer. And it is not uncommon for us to change our position within the Drama Triangle as we work through a conflict.
As a victim we can often feel hopeless or powerless, and might use guilt or shame. As a persecutor we might employ tactics of defensiveness, rudeness, or obnoxiousness, and as rescuers we offer help or solutions whether our partner needs it or not. Regardless of our position within the triangle, we're likely going to experience some feelings of resentment or anger, and if we don't identify and address it this can become a bit of a cesspool and a downward spiral.
Being able to identify that you're in the Drama Triangle is a great first step which helps unlock the freedom of being being able to choose a different way. Though that choice can only happen when we move past our ego and stop trying to justify where we are.
"What could I do differently in this moment?"
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